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WEB SITE TERMS OF USE
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers
made us include it and made us use a precious button on our home page
to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But
then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff.
We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable
English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It
could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from
really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and
people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information,
education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and
browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site
but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't
fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff.
They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything
else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio,
and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written
permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally
obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below
and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet,
the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse
the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start,
there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with] the
terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for
Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's
sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we
say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on
this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission.
And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission
anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto
any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to
include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you it's
accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun and
entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your
own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no
liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody
else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable
for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers
want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental,
consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access
to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on
the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND,
EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON
INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow
the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions
may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or
limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What
a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because
we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would
accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're
browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it
with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it
does, don't call us.
4. If you don't want
the world to know something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin
board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose to us is
ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything we want with the
stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish
it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to
your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can
even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way
we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products
or other stuff using the information you post.
5. Pictures of
people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone
else's property we're using with their permission. No matter what, it's
definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends can't use
it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site.
And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep
the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a
lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that either we
own or we're using with someone else's permission. So don't think you
have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't and
we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess
with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll
probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other
trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to
sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for messing around
with our property or the property of others.
7. You'll probably
notice we've linked our site to lots of others. While that's cool, it
doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them
out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site
you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go
ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to
what you do on our own site. While we occasionally listen in on chat
groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups or on our
bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no liability for
the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel,
slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity
you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don't
be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening,
libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic,
nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement
types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil
lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While
we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully
cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask
us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we
use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws.
Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in
the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran,
Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or
(get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list of
Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of
Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just
kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live
in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even
supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We're also allowed to
change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to.
That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If
we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those
changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11. If either
of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word)
then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according to
the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the
State of Utah, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or
threatened to violate BizOppLeadsStink.comand/or its affiliates'
intellectual property rights, BizOppLeadsStink.comand/or its affiliates
may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or
federal court in the State of Utah, and you consent to exclusive
jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree
to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon
mediator in the following location: Salt Lake County. Any costs and
fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be
shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually
satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute
to binding arbitration at the following location: Salt Lake County,
under the rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon
the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with
jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic,
you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We
had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the
United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
8-3-07
Copyright © 2007, BizOppLeadsStink.com, South
Jordan, UT
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